Still Standing

Drowning in the Desert

2011-08-15T23:36:00.000-05:00

There's a short poem I read once, years ago that stuck with me. It was simple. Four lines but so profound to me. I don't even know who wrote it:

"I crawled across the desert
dragging my tiny cup.
If I had only known you
I'd have come running with a bucket."

Like this poem, the song "What Do I Know of Holy?" by Addison Road, makes me think, really think, about who exactly I think is listening to me when I pray...

This past Spring & Summer has been very trying for me, personally. In just 6 months I have had to handle an seemingly unending onslaught of physical pain, personal pain, 3 deaths, surgery that left my nerve asleep for up to 2 years and has rendered me more handicapped than I have ever been in my 37 years of being an amputee, and just. so. much. more...

I hate to admit this but I really, really wanted to just give up...twice. I prayed hard for God to just take me home and stop the pain...yet He didn't. I was angry, scared, hurting, but mostly I just wanted relief. I know & have always known that He has plans for me. Of these plans, I know not. That I am safe within them, I am certain. I just couldn't stand under the pressure of all this back-to-back-to-back-to-back. I couldn't catch my breath between gut punches.

I am ashamed of my prayers during these 2 low points, but I know they didn't surprise God. He held me close and loved me through them as He stood in the better tomorrows that have come & surely will come. He knows the balm my heart requires because He knit me together. Just in time, He sent the answers to my prayers. No it wasn't relief from the pain or an awakened nerve or anything like that, but it was just as miraculous.

I used to think I was strong, but I know differently now. I'm as weak as a kitten. Thankfully, in my weakness He is strong and He will never leave me nor forsake me. I'm learning to rest again in His more than capable hands.

I'm so glad I don't have to be "strong" or "tough" anymore. I wasn't very good at it anyway.

Get Organized!

2011-07-29T18:41:00.003-05:00

"For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is."

Colossians 2:5

Today I was thinking about all the things I can't (or don't) do well. One of those things is to keep my house orderly. As many of you know, we home educate our children. The new school year is about to begin (in 3 days) and I still don't have everything my idea of "ready," so I wondered outloud to God. His answer to me came by way of a devotional buried in the middle of Colossians.

I haven't written anything on here in over a year but, I thought this would be a perfect addition. I can't take credit for this though. God inspired Emilie Barnes to write this years and years ago. My desire is that it will help you as much as it has helped me.

From 'A Sense of Order', by Emilie Barnes as printed in the Women's Devotional Bible, Volume 2

"A home [filled with a welcoming spirit] has a sense of order about it. A sense that people, not possessions, are in charge of the household...that life is proceeding with a purpose and according to an overall plan.

Most of us respond positively to that kind of order in our lives because we are made in the image of God, and because God organized the whole universe to proceed in an orderly fashion. Think of the creation, when God created a beautiful, populated globe out of the darkness and chaos. He is the ultimate organizer, and the results of his ordering Spirit are always good. We automatically feel more comfortable and more welcome when we sense his kind of order in our lives.

On a truly welcoming home, organization takes its proper place in the overall scheme of the universe. The daily chores of maintenance become something we can glory in, partly because they don't overwhelm us or define our whole existence.

Don't let this talk of order and organization make you feel guilty or panicked. Even if chaos and clutter in your home and life are wearing you down, the solution is not a whirlwind effort to "get organized." Unless you begin with the heart, the most complete reorganization of house and home will just give you a clean slate for chaos - and may drive you and everyone else crazy in the process.

We humans weren't made to "get organized." We were made to live as God's children, worshiping him and delighting in him. As we open our hearts and attitudes to God, putting him first in our lives and looking to him for guidance, he will show us little ways to organize the chaos and lead a more peaceful, ordered existence.

And it doesn't have to happen all at once. It has taken me thirty years to develop the systems that help me maintain order...in my life - and I'm still learning."

So rest assured, little hearts, God is not finished with us yet...and His plans are timely and beautiful.

© 2011 Mary Hughes Walker

“You will now see…’

2010-03-15T12:25:00.002-05:00

The LORD answered Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you." Numbers 11:23 (NIV – emphasis mine)

The chosen people of God that he had brought out with a mighty outstretched hand from slavery in the midst of Egypt, performing signs & wonders & miracles aplenty are grumbling again. The road is too hard. The food is too meager. Things were better when they were in bondage…sound familiar?

Yet the Lord speaks to Moses. He says to him, “Do you really think, after all I have shown you, that THIS is too much for me? A little meat for a few hundred thousand folks?? Really? Have we just met?”

God showed the people that He doesn’t make idle threats or empty promises. His words are true, righteous and dependable. So stand up & listen. Watch the sky because your answer is coming. But be careful how you ask and how often…He hears you each time. He told you that you are never out of His reach and nothing could separate you from His love. Trust that. And if you have already raised your petition to the throne of grace, stand silent unless you have praise upon your lips.

© 2010 Mary Hughes Walker

True Love Doesn't Just Wait...

2010-02-28T20:38:00.002-06:00

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” 1 John 4:16 (NIV)

True love is something we women all dream about from the very earliest days when we hear of the princess in the tower awaiting the kiss that will set her free; free from loneliness, from the dragon and from death. Always, the concept of true love is something we wait for, whether we wait in a physical tower made of stone or an invisible one made from the troubles of life, we wait for Prince Charming to sweep in & slay the dragon…and set us free. Always we wait. We wait. Wait.

But our True Love doesn’t just wait. He prepares, He proceeds, He provides and He produces. “God showed His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Jesus died for us.”Romans 5:8. True Love is always working toward that goal, setting free the trapped object of His desire. He saw His children in need and He prepared the Way by proceeding to the Cross, providing the Sacrifice and producing a harvest of eternal life for all.

Just like the people of Israel waited for their valiant Messiah to ride in and slay the Roman dragon that kept them enslaved, modern Christians wait for Jesus’ glorious return to slay THE Dragon which causes each of us to stumble, fall and at times to be trampled by our own misplaced longings, unshakeable addictions and unfettered desires. But as the children of God wait, Love is working, always working, on our behalf. Always preparing our way, proceeding to the “great and mighty Day of the Lord” when the Dragon will finally & forever be defeated, providing all our needs according to His riches and producing in us that perfection He promised when we first accepted the call.

So what should we ‘do’ while we wait on the Lord? We are to “live in love”. Not a mushy, feelings-based kind of love, but a serious, action-based kind of love.

Are we offering up our lives daily as living sacrifices? Do we put the needs of others before our own or even before our ‘wants’? How many times do you (or I) say, “I’m tired/busy, I think I’ll call so-and-so tomorrow to check on her.” But that phone call never gets made nor the letter written nor the email sent nor the meal prepared nor the whatever, done…because we just don’t ‘feel’ like it? How many fellow soldiers do we let lie on the battlefield suffering alone because we just need to check facebook one more time? How many times have you been the one struggling alone in your fray and wishing for just one person to step in, stand in that gap for you & shield you from the arrows of the enemy long enough that you can catch your breath, but it was Tuesday night so you knew everyone would be watching [insert random television show here] so you didn’t bother to call, text, message or scream for help?

Our comfort is not the reason Christ died and it is not the thing we should be waiting for Him to produce. Our holiness is most important to God. And not only ours, but our neighbor’s too. The love we share with our fellow folks, who are all made in the image of God, is the offering we make to God, especially the inconvenient love – the kind that costs us something. We should never let a day go by where we don’t have some kind of love offering to present before the Lord.

So I challenge you this night, love somebody. DO something that you don’t ‘want’ to do but know you ‘should’. Turn off the tv, shut down the computer and love your family, your friends, your neighbors. PRAY for your sisters in Christ and for those people that don’t know your True Love…then show Him to them.

You are blessed to be a blessing, not a brat. Don’t just wait, DO something.

© 2010 Mary Hughes Walker. All Rights Reserved.

Happy Harvest time

2009-10-31T18:50:00.004-05:00

It's Fall, ya'll. Leaves are turning, wind is chilling and fruit is ripening on the vine. Soon we will celebrate Thanksgiving where we give thanks for all which God has blessed us. But for now, we are bringing in our harvest.

The better part of my day today was spent helping at my church's Fall Festival. We had games, crafts and refreshments for all the anxious tricksters & treat-seekers in our nearby community. I really prefer the homemade outfits to store-bought ones. The imagination & ingenuity that goes into a homemade costume is really quite amazing.

As I watched child after child, parent after parent, come through our doors, I wonder, did I really realize the ripe harvest that the Lord has sown before me? Am I just trying to show them a fun time or am I honestly trying to show them that Jesus loves them and has a plan for them? I sure hope its the latter.

I try to spread His love each day, but I'm afraid my humanity gets in the way at times. I forget that it has little to do with me, really. The Father calls to those that will hear His voice & respond. Blessed little me, once in a while, gets to hold their hand & introduce them. What an awesome thing to do.

If you've heard His voice but never met my Father, I'd love to introduce you. Send me an email, leave a comment or facebook message and I will be thrilled to talk with you. You can also click here to learn more about my Saviour, Jesus.

If you have met Him but have never introduced someone else to Him, I ask, what are you waiting for? People are hurting, people are searching, and you hold the key to their peace. How wonderful to be able to give thanks to God this November for letting you bring one more person to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb?

God is moving all around us. Its time to do our part.

Happy Harvest Time, ya'll.

The "What-if" Game

2009-09-30T21:55:00.005-05:00

Do you ever have those times in your life where your mind drifts off at night & awakens again in the morning to the same thoughts? Do you ever have the same theme running through your brain all day, in every conceivable scenario? Do you ever play the "What If" Game?

What if my candidate doesn't get elected?
What if the company lays me off?
What if my child gets sick?
What if they lower the price & we buy and then we lose our jobs?
What if ...

It doesn't really matter what you're 'What if'-ing, the point is, do you spend too much time and energy thinking about things you have no control over & probably will never happen - and if it does, will most likely not happen according to any of the scenarios you've planned out in your mind??? If so, sister - pull up a chair & let's chat. I'm in one of those times right now.

Let's think this through together, shall we?

Let me remind myself of a couple of things:
1. No one sees tomorrow clearer than God. He's standing in it right now and it doesn't scare Him one iota.
2. God works all things for my good because I love God & am called according to His purpose.

Maybe the bottom will fall out tomorrow or maybe the day will tick by uneventful or somewhere in between. Either way God is still going to be God. He's still going to love me and call me His child. His ways are higher than my ways so I will hide in His shadow, rest and be refreshed.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? Well, its not. But it is possible. That's all I need to know.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get to sleep. I have some resting and refreshing to get to. Good night.

Farewell to a dream...again...

2009-08-26T18:28:00.003-05:00

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you kept asking God for it, even after you felt He had said, "Not now, my child"?

I am in that same boat today. I want something of which it seems that God has told me "just wait". Oh, I've placed it in His hands numerous times. Then I've walked away with eyes-squinted shut so I wouldn't turn around & rush back to grab it up again. Constantly reassuring myself of the truth that "He makes everything beautiful in its time." Only, quite often I seem to find myself crawling into the room and petting the desire from a crouched position, growing more boldly until I've actually taken it back in my hands & danced around the room with it.

So what to do? How do I wait in quiet contentment? Honestly? I don't know. But for now I am going to think on commendable things and know that God never keeps anything from me that is good for me, without a perfect reason - one I, more than likely, could not possible understand.

So if you are in this group with me, beloved, raise your right hand to your heart, close your eyes and as you unclench the fist you've made over your "something", repeat after me: "Father God, I trust Your sovereignty over ___(whatever you're holding onto)_______. Not my will, but Thy will. Be it unto me according to Your will and my faith. In Your perfect timing, make it all beautiful. Amen"

Now join me as I sing, "Blessed Assurance", for what more do we really need but Jesus?

A Snake in the Suburbs

2009-07-21T21:39:00.002-05:00

* This is a story I wrote about the experience with a neighbor and her "little problem". Haha, it was so funny, AFTER the fact, that I thought I'd share it with you.

A Snake in the Suburbs

Last Thursday morning, my neighbor, Kelli, called me. She was a little upset & asked if she could borrow a hoe. It seems she & her 2 year-old son, Jackson, were playing in the backyard & she stepped on a snake. Since her husband was out of town, she was scared & not sure what to do. I mean, we live in a suburb, not the frontier so snakes are not common. Before I could stop myself I had offered to shoot it for her. Thankfully, she declined but asked if I had a hoe. I could find neither a hoe nor the key to the shed so I gathered as many tools of destruction as I could locate & headed next door.

Picture this: my 5 foot, 1 inch (in heels) frame lumbering into a fenced-in backyard carrying an iron-headed rake, youth-size softball bat & pair of long-handled pruning loppers…wait – it gets better… Now, Kelli is a tall, slender, blonde-haired, former 1st grade teacher, maybe 25 years old, from a very sheltered, middle-class family in Marion, AL. She has little Jackson with her on the back patio. She’s pacing back & forth, staring worriedly at the back fence. I drag my “Soccer-mom Arsenal” into her yard & lay out all the would-be weapons on her table as we try to decide which would be the best item to begin the assault. We look at the rake & think the snake might slither between the tines so we set it aside…for now. I have the bright idea that one of us could whack it with the bat & the other could chop its neck with the loppers…but neither of us wanted to get as close to that thing to whack it as would be required with the 2 foot bat (remember, it’s a kids bat). What if we missed & it bit us in the eye? YIKES!

So she decided she’d take a swing at it with the 6 foot long metal-ended rake. I was strategically positioned on the back patio…BEHIND the 2 year old…I hadn’t seen this thing & didn’t have a clue how huge this monster might be. I wasn’t taking ANY chances! She picks up the rake & heads toward the back fence then remembers she has on flip-flops. She thinks it might be a good idea to hide the tootsies so she goes in & gets her tennis shoes. Looking back, I think she was stalling…

Properly shod, she again begins the hunt for the monster of the grasses. She goes to the right & cautiously peers around the slide – its last known whereabouts. No snake. Yay! He’s gone! Wait – NO! What if he’s in the house waiting for her? She keeps looking. She sneaks to the left (on tippy-toes the whole time, mind you) – THERE HE IS! She shakes a little from head-to-toe (so do I – from the patio, behind the toddler, remember), but determined to rid her yard of the unwanted intruder & protect her offspring from a potential attack, she moves in for the kill. She swings – she MISSES! She dances around as if struck by something herself. She regains her composure & swings again – CONTACT! She caught his tail & now he’s TICKED! The snake spins around, strikes out at the iron madness & coils up in the spring-loaded position ready to fend for its life. Kelli tippy-toe dances out of striking range & I see the nasty little serpent strike. I dance on the patio, grabbing the child - strictly for his own protection, you understand…

I yell, “Don’t go back in there! We don’t know how far he can strike & he’s MAD…I can shoot it!” (whatever gave me the idea that I could shoot a slithering, injured & half-crazed snake that was MAYBE 1 inch in diameter???)

She yells, “Are you a good shot?”

“I think so” says I. I mean, I’ve only ever shot inanimate objects on a firing range or in the woods but what’s the difference really, right? Insert nervous-laugh… Did I mention, I’m a genius with nerves of steel? Hang on, that becomes blatantly apparent…

“ok…” she seems to whisper as she backs away from the monster, as if trying not to alert him to our newest plan.

I giggle a little as I scamper home to get a gun. Partly from relief that I am away from that place of death & partly at the idiocy of the suggestion that I would shoot this creature. As I get to my back door I wonder, “What should I use on this thing?” The .22 would be perfect, but it’s in the gun cabinet. I hide the key from thieves that might break in while we are away so, naturally, I have no idea where that hiding place might be… The .380 handgun I keep close to me when I’m home alone crossed my mind & I laughed out loud at the thought. Even in the midst of the wild hysteria, I knew that was a silly thing to use on a snake. I decided to call on my cavalry, Todd (who is conveniently at work, the jerk!), and ask him. He confirms my guess that the .22 would be ideal & tells me it’s loaded with lead-tips in the gun cabinet. Somehow I find the key to the cabinet in the hiding place that I forget about most every other day of my life & obtain the cool steel equalizer. With the wooden stock buried in my armpit so tight it makes popping sounds when I move, the huntress returns to the field…

Now Kelli, is standing on the patio, holding little Jackson & staring absentmindedly in the direction of the last encounter. She seems older now…26, maybe? I walk into the yard & must be a menacing sight indeed, as she furrows her brow a bit & bites at her lip. Probably beside herself with relief that I will obviously vanquish this foe…I see the snake at the fence line & begin to walk toward it. Halfway to the battle site I remember I have to chamber the first round. This buys some time…I run back to the patio & yank on the loading thingy. The first round is ready & there’s no turning back. Crap! Ok, here I go into the fray. I see the snake. He taunts me with his wiggliness. I tell myself that I’m not afraid, but I’m not buying it. I pull the gun up to my eye, sight him in and someone pulls the trigger…BAM! I hit him! What the --?? He whips back & forth. Blood spatters the fence. I tippy-toe dance around like a possessed ballerina screaming & flapping my arms – forgetting there’s a loaded gun at the end of one…

Kelli screams “You got him!” Her eyes bulge with equal doses of fear of the snake & fear of me with a loaded gun. “Is he dead?”

I don’t know so of course I shoot blindly in his general direction 2 more times. Dirt flies around but the snake is not moved. I steady myself & aim again. BLAM! I hit him again…more tippy-toe dancing & arm-flapping. I feel sick to my stomach. I shoot 2 more times. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I feel that will calm me…it doesn’t. Kelli says, “It still moving.” There’s fear in her words, but somehow a rational thought breaks into my mind. Snakes’ nerves move the body around after they are dead. Maybe he’s dead & it’s some kind of corporeal response? I mean, his little head is hanging on by a thread…I stand over the writhing carcass, swallowing hard so I don’t pass out. I aim & shoot one last time. The bullet pushes the snakes neck into the ground so its now staring up at us…More tippy-toe dancing but this time I remember the gun – no arm-flapping. Weak in the knees & about to vomit, I stagger back a little. Kelli comes over now with Jackson. Pointing at the body of our enemy, she tells him how nasty snakes are & reminds him never to play with them. The boy is obviously impressed with my shooting ability because his mouth is agape & he looks from me to the snake then back to me.

Still wiggling a little (his head is staying stuck in the ground) the snake opens its mouth repeatedly. Disgusted, I turn & there is Kelli armed with the rake. Kelli is not convinced that he is dead. She wants to pin it down with the rake & cut off its head. By now the head is chin-up but the body is tummy-down. It’s dead. She goes for the loppers…I faint or something because the next thing I remember I’m on the patio with Jackson. Kelli is there with the bloody loppers. She’s mumbling something about how tough that snake’s skin is. I faint again. I come to standing over the body. I need to sit down.

As I dump the rest of the bullets into my hand we discuss disposal. I tell her Todd threw ours over the fence (did I mention that we had a snake in our backyard last year? We did. Todd didn’t kill it. He threw it over the fence…this is probably the same snake…I want to hurt Todd). She wonders if it will smell. I state that something will come & eat it long before it starts to smell. She is horrified at the idea that whatever comes to eat it may be bigger & meaner & I may come back with another gun. She thinks she’ll put it in a bag & take it to another location in our neighborhood where they are building more houses. Rewind! Did you hear that? She is going to PUT IT IN A BAG & PUT THE BAG IN HER CAR - WHAT??!! I just risked life & what’s left of my limbs to kill this thing & now she’s going to take it for a little scenic drive in the country? I get woozy again. I gather my yard implements & sporting gear. I need a drink.

As I walk away, we are laughing uncontrollably by now. About to wet myself from fear, mingled with pride, relief & horror at the whole thing, I head home. Kelli, yells out behind me, “Mary you’re my hero!” Then we break down laughing again…Where is a camcorder when you need one?

© 2008 Mary Hughes Walker

Is Mercy ever wasted?

2009-06-27T22:47:00.006-05:00

Today started out poorly. I hadn't slept well the night before & had to get up earlier than I had wanted to in order to run an errand I should've already run, before I had to be at the church for the Prayer Breakfast. Then, beauty maintenance, grocery shopping, baking & icing the cupcakes & cake for Kimber's party - not to mention the filthy house that needed some attention...I was grumpy...and beat down from another week of failing to be the person, wife, mother, daughter, sister & friend I so wanted to be.

Then Dr. Jay Robertson spoke at our prayer breakfast. And something he said, set off the huge storm of pent-up emotions that had been boiling just underneath the surface, casting dark shadows over everything...even my prayer time. He said, "Christ's authority does not depend on who you are." Wow. I don't know why that spoke to me so powerfully but it was the last piece in the puzzle I needed to begin to see the picture that would one day be completed.

It's not about me. Funny, I had thought all my strivings had been for God's glory. In reality though, most were for my own glory, to be recognized by man. And when that didn't happen, I felt I had failed God and I should change something else about me. This cycle left me easily frustrated, critical, grumpy and down-right no-fun-to-be-around most of the time.

"If people don't like me, then how can God?" How many times did I repeat that to myself? So many I lose count. I was gauging my relationship with God on how other people, like my grandmother, my mother, my brother, responded to me. If I could just be what they need me to be then God could use me.

Today that argument shattered on the sanctuary floor in a pool of my own tears. Instead of relief, I was reminded instead of a promise I had made so many years ago, a vow I had made to God and had never fulfilled. I was mortified at the thought that I had kept God waiting on me while I tried to please these people, who are struggling themselves through their own trials. And when I came face-to-face with my own self-absorbed need to be heard and understood, I was sickened.

What do I have of value to say, but Christ and Him crucified? And who am I that people should listen except to hear His words? Why would He have spent so much time on me in such great and mighty ways, for me to wallow in my own self-pity?

So many missed opportunities.

So many misspent years.

So many wasted mercies.

Whatever I do from this day forward will be to take each step as God directs and fulfill that promise that He allowed me to make (because it was He who prompted me to make it). I don't know how, but I know I must.

It is His will. I am His child. And this is my worship.

35 years...wow...

2009-05-08T23:43:00.013-05:00

May 8, 1974, an 18 month old girl child climbed onto a boat, pulling on a detached gas line for leverage. Gas ran onto the concrete slab floor & close enough to the gas operated hot-water heater that the flame ignited the fumes. Up went the frail wooden structure with its tiny treasure hidden inside.

The fire raged; everything in its path was consumed. The child screamed. Her father frantically chopped at the wall, stuck his hands into the blazing hole, called her name & held his breath. Somewhere from the depths, the girl child emerged. Her father grabbed her and she rested, no longer afraid.

Rushing from the yard, the man desperately clung to the child, not knowing what to do or where to go. A woman came to him and spoke, "I am a nurse. You have to pack her in ice or her body will explode." Reaching a neighbor's door, he begged for a tub and ice - lots of ice. The streets were lined with neighbors bringing their freezers' contents to the neighbor's yard to pour over the child as requested. The man turned to thank the woman that had spoken the instructions he needed to hear...but she was gone...and no one else had seen her...

At the hospital, a doctor spoke. "We'll keep her comfortable, Mr. Hughes, but she's burned too badly. I'm afraid there's no chance to save your daughter." But what do doctor's really know anyway?

May 8, 2009, the girl child, now a woman, sits at her computer, typing out this blog. She has had a day unremarkable to most but in her heart she has rejoiced. Woman, wife and mother, everything she was never supposed to be, she has become.

So many people have commented on how tough it must have been being burned or crippled. And yet, she knows the secret. The scars, the missing limb, the physical pain really were nothing. What would they say if they knew those scars saved her life? Those years in & out of the hospital were the best part of her young life and when they were gone, she was lost.

Though the years were not kind, scars, amputation, abuse and neglect, by God's sovereign grace...she still stands. As she tucks her own tiny girl children into bed, she brushes back a tear and her heart whispers, "Thank you, God. Thank you for the fire."

Enough.

2009-04-01T22:57:00.004-05:00

I was driving to church this evening listening to some talk radio. The commentator was discussing all the perils of the current crises & those that will come unless the tide is changed...quickly. I was saddened by the state of my country & the careless indignity of my countrymen.

What have we become? Spoiled and arrogant children in need of a good spanking.

So many think our most pressing need seems to be free healthcare, more money in our pockets that we may or may not have worked to get and anything else the government is willing to give away. But it's not. We need Jesus...nothing more. The Bible tells us that He will supply all our needs.

The problem is deeper than what is left of my 401k. It goes to the heart of who I really am, first & foremost - a child of THE Living God. We are breaking - have broken, His heart and it should bother us.

His love is greater than any stimulus package and more complete than any government program.

Jesus is ... enough.

So the Sluggard Turns on Her Bed...

2009-03-16T06:03:00.003-05:00

I love the early morning hours before the day kicks in to overdrive & strains my forward gears to their breaking point...but I am not a "morning person". Strange. I've always wanted to be. I just can't seem to follow through every morning the same. I get too tired by about the 3rd early morning that I just lay in bed sleepy-eyed until the first rays split through the blinds like a laser light show...and I've been known to watch that show all morning...

Well, I'm going to try to break from that old and unwelcome habit. I've always wanted to start my day before the world gets cranked up around here, so I've decided in my heart to take a cue from Nike & "just do it". Like most things in life, no one can do it for me. I just have to be...her comes THAT word...consistent.

That is my real problem. Consistency seems to be my downfall. I'm one of those "creative" types that loves change and gets rashy with routine. But I've found that is a fancy way to say, I'm lazy. Lazy, like a slug. Dragging my trail of inconsistency through the lives of my friends, family & various loved ones leaving only a mess behind me. Half-finished or barely begun projects, unreturned phone calls, unsent birthday cards...an unloving, ungodly mess.

See, what I've tried to mask as "creative impulses" was really just plain old inconsiderate-ness, laziness, inconsistency. Routines are established by God very early in the plan. Genesis 1:14, And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years..." Every day is like the one before it. The years pass in the same way as before. Seasons change in the same slow, steady rhythm. So if God sets up consistency in the very beginning, before even man, who am I to consider myself "creative" when I ignore that simple principle? Do I really think I'm more creative than God?

So let today start a new chapter in my life. Let my words be reliable, my actions consistent & my heart dependable. May I be someone others can count on. Lord, help me...

I love Love

2009-02-13T22:32:00.003-06:00

This evening, I spent a short amount of time with some friends celebrating the pending nuptials of two. What a great thing to love and to be loved.

Happy Valentine's Day to all. I hope you each have someone to love.

Ah, peace...

2009-01-02T23:16:00.002-06:00

I missed a whole month! What have I been doing??

Well, we had 2 kindergarten parties to plan & execute, numerous crafts, shopping for crafts & Christmas preparations. I joined Facebook & that sucked 3/4 of my freetime...that site should be regulated by the FDA...

Anyway, here we are in 2009. Wow. That sounds so strange. 2009...It's like a fantasy year or something. It's almost unreal.

Many things come to mind as I sit & ponder a new year. Will my children get good teachers in the Fall? Will we sell our house? Will we find the right place to move if we can sell? Will the economy pick up long enough for us to snatch our savings from the hungry mouth of Socialism?

So many questions that we can't possible answer yet. And still we are pushed onward. Last year, 2008, was such a wonderful year of growth & discovery. My daughters outgrew diapers & pacifiers completely. My marriage moved into a new phase of comfort & security. My spiritual life reached a plateau of peace. I'm ok not being the god of my life. That's huge!

I seem to be resting in the afterglow of bliss after the passion of burning up all the pain of the past. I have dealt with, forgiven & moved on. I'm ready to live! I can breathe. I can stand & I can move deeper into God's will.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the grace to relax in Your presence. Ah, peace. Sweet peace...

Fa, lala, la, la, lala, la, laaaaaaa...

2008-12-14T22:15:00.004-06:00

Wow...It's the middle of December already...Where did this year go? Christmas parties to attend, gingerbread houses to make then eat, decorations to install, gifts to buy & receive, cards to send...Such a run-up to the New Year. It's quite exhausting, really.

Now is the time to break out in song while pushing your way through the hoard of anxious shoppers. What IS the "it" toy this year anyway? I don't have a clue so I'm sure my kids won't be getting it...the horror!

Oh well, at least they will have the love and adoration of their parents, grandparents and Aunt & Uncle.

Merry Christmas, ya'll.

Now, where's that Sweet-Potato Casserole??!

History is waiting in the wings...

2008-11-02T21:54:00.006-06:00

I don't usually get "political". I'm not one to sit & debate policies for hours. But it's Sunday night, November 2, 2008. In a little more than 48 hours our nation will make a decision that will affect life as we know it in more ways than we can imagine. When the balloons have all dropped, the last ballot has been cast & the final confetti streams to the ground, we will either be poised to welcome the first black President or the first woman Vice-President. What a time to be alive!

God knows that this nation deserves judgment, but maybe He will be merciful & spare us once more "on behalf of the fifty".

I believe the "Cause Greater Than Ourselves" campaign represents the true heart of America. You may disagree with that and that is your right as an American. I'm going to volunteer my time & energy in the "battleground state" of Florida. I'm going to step out of my shelter & call folks that probably don't want to hear from me. But I'm going to do it because I think it's important to own my vote. It's necessary to sacrifice for freedom, no matter how small the contribution may seem.

I don't have a billion dollars to bankroll a campaign, heck I'll be scraping up the cash to put gas in the tank to get there & back. But I am going to give what I have for something I believe in. That's what makes America great. We, the people, give of ourselves for the "greater good" of our fellow Americans, even those with whom we have political differences.

So call the cell phone if you need me but please leave a message if I can't answer it. And when Tuesday gets here, by all means necessary...get out and VOTE!!!

Where have I been?

2008-10-02T23:33:00.002-05:00

Oh my goodness! I have neglected you far too long. So many things have been going on in my life that I just pushe dyou right off the plate completely!

Let's see, I've pieced together some missing parts to my past that have helped me distinguish who I am. I have begun to develop a bridge of communication with my mother that I have always so desparately wanted to have. I have helped host a Grandparents' Tea for a group of 3 year olds. I've decorated 3 doors for Homecoming & caught a snake in the school bookstore!

In other news, we've mourned as a nation together another anniversary of the September 11th, attack. Sarah Palin has made history as the first woman on a national Republican ticket. Barack Obama has made history as the first African-American to win the Democratic National Convention's nomination for President. The national & world economy took a nosedive. Russia attacked Georgia unprovokedly & the world responded with sanctions and calls for immediate & unconditional withdrawal. My grandfather is back in the hospital again for pneumonia but is doing very well.

Wow. Life happens all the time, doesn't it? I'm so glad I'm here to see it all unfolding. Aren't you? Let's all bow our heads tonight in the midst of social unrest, political ambiguity & economic uncertainty & just thank God for the blessings we have.

"He is the same yesterday, today & forever." ~ Amen, and goodnight.

The Pinnacle of Motherhood

2008-09-04T19:44:00.003-05:00

I did it! I have finally reached the top of the hill on the trek toward becoming the "Perfect Mom". I have accomplished something so extremely complex & delicate that I mystify myself...

I need to sit down...

I...can peel an apple in one long string!

See:

Please hold the applause.

Thanks, Fay!

2008-08-25T20:27:00.002-05:00

Today in the Southern US , we were graced with a prolonged visit from Fay...Tropical Storm Fay. She arrived sometime last evening & hung around all night, like a wet blanket. A really, REALLY wet blanket. And as the morning broke through, she continued her assault on all that is (was) dry.

Oh well, at least GA & Northern AL got some much needed rain. Unfortunately, she left the front door wide open & now Gustav is heading our way. Ah, the joys of the seaside lifestyle!

Tom Gaston Road House

2008-08-20T15:38:00.017-05:00

I saw the perfect house for us today. It is beautiful!
Here are some photos:

The garage - notice the shelves? Already has built-in places to store stuff! (photos taken from the doorway of the house/utility room) - the door in the photo goes onto the back porch.

The utility room - shelves & a sink

The kitchen - lots of storage, a huge breakfast area & a window seat - PLUS a desk area for storing all the clutter that usually ends up on our island.

The island in the kitchen has big deep drawers on one side and there is a lazy susan in the corner next to the stove - I like those features!

The living room & master bedroom have beautiful built-ins too.

Rr is for Room MOM!

2008-08-18T17:26:00.002-05:00

Well, school started last Monday (hence the absence of my blog entries for the past week...). Both of my girls started and I get to realize my life-long dream of being a "Room Mom". Yippie!

So far, I've sorted 9 billion pages of soon-to-be-completed 3 & 4 years old school work, filled out menus on 2 mornings & dropped off 30 paper sacks that were generously donated by the neighborhood Cracker Barrel. And that was week one. This is GREAT!!

Maybe I'm crazy, but I just LOVE being able to help folks, even in the tiniest ways. Now I get the chance to help AND spy on my kids. What could be better!??

Ok, I need to go. I have a fresh stack of pages to sort, then I suppose I should feed these 3...Ah...I love my life.

Bunco!

2008-08-11T21:48:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I'm a goober. I don't care. I played Bunco tonight & L-O-V-E-D it! I even got 2 Buncos! Yay, Me!

My sweet neighbor so kindly invited me & some friends to her immaculately kept house to enjoy some no-kids-and-no-men girl time. It was great! I highly recommend it!

This is a super short post because I'm exhausted...Ah...sweet sleep...come to me now...ZZzzzzzzz...

Mia's Top Ten Marital Bliss List

2008-08-09T22:11:00.004-05:00

This evening my darling husband & I shared a romantic meal over candlelight, reminiscing the past 8 years while our wonderful neighbors cared for the 2 angelic fruits of our love. It was very sweet.

Earlier this afternoon I went to a bridal shower. There the hostess asked us to offer our advice to the Bride-elect for making a marriage work. That was comical!

Last night there was a wedding between 2 people that seemed full of all the most wonderful plans for a future full of nothing but joyful marital bliss. The groom & his attendants had ties & cumberbunds in their favorite team colors & the "favors" that they gave away were cups & shakers (pom-poms) of said favorite team. That reception was a hoot!

With all the nuptial love in the air, I thought I'd lay out the top 10 things that I have found make a marriage "work". Now we have only been married 8 years so we're still relatively newly-wed, but we have faced some tough stuff together. We've come out stronger & more determined to last through the ages.

I hope these thoughts help you keep your marriage at the top of your priority list.

10. Never say "always" or "never". Rarely does one ever do a thing "always" or "never". Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.

9. Fight fair. The Bible says that love "keeps no record of wrongs". Keep the discussion on topic. Don't dredge up past failures or misunderstandings. No below the belt hits.

8. Arguments should have resolution as their goal, not "winning". Don't try to punish or "one-up" your spouse in an argument. Everyone loses that way.

7. Find something you share passionately OUTSIDE the bedroom.

6. Laugh often.

5. Enjoy your spouse & accept their weaknesses. We're all sinners in need of grace.

4. Sex...need I say more?

3. Your marriage is between you & your spouse, not your mother, best friend's cousin's neighbor's dog groomer. Don't let someone else's opinion of your spouse sour your relationship. Let the truth reign in your heart & home.

2. Your marriage is not about you...or your spouse. Marriage is supposed to represent the relationship that Christ has with His church. Jesus doesn't gripe & grumble or complain or nag us into following him. Neither does He respond to that from His church.

1. Keep your focus on God. God's love is like a magnet that naturally & un-oppressively draws you to your spouse. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness".

One of "those" days...

2008-08-06T19:23:00.004-05:00

So today started off poorly before the rooster crowed. Actually, the day started, right as the day started. I awoke just after midnight sick to my stomach. My body ached from head to toe. My "stump" throbbed as if recently slammed in a door.

In addition to the pain, I had a couple of scenes running simultaneously through my head. The first was of an inevitable confrontation between me & the prosthetist in town. This "run-in" was part of the source of my stomach ailment, since I hate confrontation. However, I had dropped it off over a month ago to have a joint replaced & have not heard from them. When I called a couple of weeks ago I was told that "it takes time" and that he "would call me" whenever he got it done. Seriously? I'm supposed to wait around for them to fix a problem while the new leg I recently received (via UPS - click here for full story) is in need of "tweaking"?

I felt as if I was in the right & should be told EXACTLY what was going on with my leg. But I never did call today. I just felt uneasy about the whole thing. I felt I needed to consider my words before I called so I didn't go off half-cocked & stir a hornet's nest that didn't need to be disturbed. The Bible says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1 NIV). I needed to find a "gentle answer".

The other part of my stomach ache was that my brother was flying into a town nearby & I was supposed to go pick up my nephew for a few days while my brother did some work. Now I love my brother & adore my nephew, but relations with my bro have been...hmm, how shall I say this..."strained" in recent years (click here). I honestly did & didn't want to see him with equal amounts of desire. I'm just not sure how to relate to him. It seems everything I say or do is wrong and I still have no idea what I did to cause this rift. I've asked him but he tells me nothing...as if I should just "know".

Anyway, I couldn't sleep last night so I got up & got on the couch. I lay there until my husband got up at 4:30. Then I made him breakfast & lay back down on the couch. I dreaded putting my leg on all day but my "good" foot & my shoulders ached so I drug my wheelchair in from the garage & wheeled around the house all day.

Well, I say all day but it was really only about an hour or two. I lay on the couch most of the day. I tried to get some work done but only managed an hour. I let the kids (my 2 and a neighbor's child I keep) run wild for the better part of the morning. I finally drug myself off the couch about 11 'ish to make some lunch. Then I brought the wheelchair in, wheeled around helping the kids clean up their relatively unsupervised mess and then, around noon:30, I got a shower.

As I dried off & prepared to don my leg I prayed again (I had been praying all morning) for God to help me not hurt long enough to face my brother & his offspring without giving them an inkling that I wasn't 100%. I like to let him believe I am just fine & don't bother letting him know that I hurt...constantly. It seems easier that way. I don't cry as much. I mean, if he knew & didn't care, that would really hurt.

Oh well. This story does have a happy ending. God answered my prayers. The pain is minimal & I still have the leg on (about 7 hours now).

P.S. I wish I had a "crippled" friend that I could talk to about things like residual limb blisters & infections, but I don't. So I will put it out here for you, the bloglings to interpret & hopefully offer suggestions...or sympathy. I really just need a hug today...

Happy Anniversary!

2008-08-05T12:17:00.002-05:00

Well, we made it past the 7 year mark without the proverbial "Itch" affecting either of us. Hallelujah! Today is the anniversary of one of the greatest events in my life, our wedding. Eight years ago today, I said , "I do" to the most wonderful man ever. And you know what? I still do.

So, in celebration of this momentous occasion, I want to cook him his favorite meal, have the kiddos bathed & groomed and erase everything from his "Honey-do" list (well, maybe "reschedule" them) prior to his arrival from a long day's work. I say I "want" to because the way the day is going, I'm not sure I'll even get the veggies defrosted. Probably another frozen pizza night.

Hey! That may just be about the most perfect thing we could have. When we were newly-wed, we would share a Totino's pizza for dinner. You know those? The ones that I can eat in one bite now? Yep, we'd SHARE it. Right down the middle. Ha, ha! I think maybe I'll pull one (and just one) out tonight & see what he says. Chances are, my perfect man will smile graciously and suggest soup & a sandwich to go along with it.

No matter what we have, I know we will enjoy it...together. As we bow our heads and our 3 year old sings her prayer of sweetness over whatever we have on the table, my husband will grab my hand & together we'll thank God that He brought us together. Our kids will giggle as Daddy winks at Mommy. Then the 5 year old will smile & say, "Kiss her, Daddy!"

And he will...

Thank you Jesus, that you love me so much that you not only gave me this wonderful family, but most importantly, you gave your blood for me. As excited as I am about another year of wedded bliss, I am humbled to think of the plan into which you have unfolded and are continuing to weave my life.

Thank you.

T minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

2008-08-04T11:51:00.006-05:00

Next Monday brings with it a breath of fresh air that is not typical of Monday mornings. School begins that day. While some are dreading the arguments that will undoubtedly ensue over homework, misplaced backpacks and filthy gym clothes left in a vinyl bag in the back of the car for 2 weeks until the smell knocks one down upon opening, I and my children look forward to Monday with great joy and anticipation.

For my children, they are excited to go to school so they can meet new friends & have some fun stuff to do. Quite frankly, I think I bore them by now. Stay-at-home-moms? Where's the glory?

For me, as this will be the first year of "real" school for my little wonder-lings, it's my first go at "Room Mom". While some cringe at the thought of bearing that title, it has been one I have to admit that I have coveted for years. The very idea of having the honor of assisting my children's teachers in their duties, in any way needed, seems to me, sweetness...plus I can spy on the little boogers without raising suspicions!

I met the teachers last Thursday & brought home the first of my tasks, page-sorting. For those unaccustomed to the very glamorous life of a "Page-Sorter", please, allow me to elaborate. First, you gather into your spindly little arms, 25 of the thickest workbooks made (might I remind you that my oldest child is 5...). Then, as you struggle under the weight, you put them in your car & carry them home...to struggle under the weight to bring them IN the house.

Next, as you drop them to scatter where they will, you decide that this (wherever they land) is the best place to handle the page-sorting job. Then comes the tearing, and the turning, and the putting together of like pages into neat little stacks of 25. Simple, right? Did I also neglect to mention that there are over 150 pages per book? yikes...

Nonetheless, I've completed my chore of love & am getting the little darlings ready to return for another batch. And since I can't possibly wait until the first day of school, I got the teachers' email addresses so I can make sure I am meeting their needs...[stalking?]...as well as possible.

Please pray...

What's my line?

2008-07-31T23:46:00.003-05:00

I have been feeling very condemned in my prayer life lately. It seems whenever I bow my head for some one else, I have a laundry list of my own "needs" that I feel compelled to blurt out before the Father. I enjoy praying for others but I haven't really been focused on them.

I was watching a video clip by Kirk Cameron & Ray Comfort this evening. From that I started thinking about my prayers. Most of my prayers are to have God make my life easier or less painful. With the problems I have been having with my stump, I felt these were all justified prayers for healing. But are they? Or am I just foolish enough to think that my comfort is the reason Christ came to die?

What should I be bringing before God? Shouldn't I pray for endurance? Shouldn't I pray for opportunities to show His glory through my suffering? THEN, if it be His will, pray for healing? Only if the healing were to bring Him more glory than the suffering.

So there I am. Pus-filled boot (TEC liner) and all. At the feet of the cross, wondering...what's my line?

Look what I can do!

2008-07-30T23:23:00.005-05:00

Because my house doesn't have enough half-finished craft projects & scrapbook clutter, I decided I should take up crocheting. As a middle-aged, Southern woman I felt it was my duty to do so. After all, isn't that what middle-aged, Southern women do?

My grandfather was in the hospital Sunday & Monday. I was going to visit him on Monday. Since the hospital was over an hour away from my house, I thought I should take several things to occupy my time. I took a book (Don Quixote - don't ask my why I checked it out; I still have no idea, but there it is), my travel Bible (small, compact & very useful) and a drink (Diet Mt Dew because I should stay awake while I'm visiting someone in the hospital, right?).

I decide I needed one other item/amusement so I ran up to the store Sunday evening to get something else to take with me. As I searched the aisles for something to do I saw cards - no good if Pawpaw isn't feeling up to playing with me. I saw crosswords & word-finds but that seemed too involved. Then I wandered into the craft section.

There I saw a starter set, complete with 5 hooks, some marking doo-dads, a pack of some kind of I-don't-know-what-they-are's, a pair of children's needles & a book: I Taught Myself to Crochet. A-ha! I'll just learn myself to do that! Visiting a sick relative and learning a new hobby, what a talented & compassionate granddaughter I am. Everyone will be so impressed.

My relatives, however, were not as supportive as I'd hoped when I told them I was going to try to make my friend a hooded baby blanket...by Thursday....My uncle Robert laughed & said, "Sure. You'll get that done in no time, right?"

My uncle Marcus giggled a bit, but was at least not completely disapproving of the idea of my at least trying.

My grandfather, for whom I had travelled 75 miles to comfort mind you!, just smiled & said, "Sure you can..."

Traitors, the lot! Well I showed them, hmphf! Lay your eyes on this fine piece of artistic tapestry...

Ok, so maybe I won't get the blanket done. But it does make a lovely bookmark, don't you agree? :o)

My grandfather is fine, by the way. He was released from the hospital with a satisfactory report of "everything's normal". Thank you, Jesus.

Handicapped? You betcha!

2008-07-29T21:31:00.002-05:00

I found something interesting about the word "handicap" at wikipedia.com. According to Wikipedia's source, to handicap means: "a more experienced player is disadvantaged in order to make it possible for a less experienced player to participate in the game or sport whilst maintaining fairness."

I think I like that explanation.

Another source states, "Did you know that when a racing horse is a consistent winner he is made to carry extra weights in each race in order to give the other horses a chance to win. This is called 'handicapping'."

I really like that explanation.

Handicapped isn't a terrible thing. It's a different thing. Different isn't necessarily bad now is it?

[a hush falls over the crowd]

I got a name

2008-07-28T07:23:00.004-05:00

On the hunt for a new name, I thought about the reasons behind my writing this blog in the first place. A long time ago, I was crippled. I lost my leg & almost my life. Doctors told my family that the chances for my survival were slim at best. If I did make it, they said I would not be able to walk & could be unable to talk because of the trauma. But I got better.

I was mistreated as a child & youngster. Life knocked me down a lot. But I got back up.

I made poor choices. I followed foolish whims, was ruled by stubborn pride. That caused me to stumble, but I stood again.

I decided that the best name for the blog should be "Still Standing". Not in the Elton John sort of way but in the Proverbs 24:16 sort of way. "For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity."

I know in whom I have believed and he keeps me going day after day.

The Heart of a Princess

2008-07-25T07:50:00.006-05:00

Jesus Christ, my Lord, my Savior,

How often do I come,

And offer up my feeble plea

For you to make right some wrong?

And how many times, dear Abba, my father

Do I bring like a child before you,

My heart, broken again, like some tattered old toy

To once more be made anew?

Even more so, do I run straight to you,

My Wonderful, Wise Counselor

And proudly display selfish wants and desires

Quite certain, them, you will assure?

So frequently, my Prince of perfect Peace,

Do you so patiently hear,

As I cry out in pain and shout in anger,

My mind in the grips of some fear?

Yet how seldom it is, though each tear is kept

In a bottle so none are lost,

That I humbly bow in sheer adoration

And Thank You for Calvary’s cross?

So today and always, that I never forget

Your love has paid my way,

I praise you for being Lord of Lords, King of Kings,

Alpha, Omega, my Stay.

I Hold On...

2008-07-24T16:34:00.004-05:00

In the summer of 2002, I received the biggest blow to my emotional well-being that I have ever felt. It stung in the depths of my soul. It hurt...deeply. I still have not fully recovered from that moment in my life.

Recently I read something that was meant to bring healing & comfort, but to me it brought out anger, tears & pain. In response, I did what I always do. I wrote out my feelings on the matter. I was comforted by the motions of the act of writing it out, but God also used the words to heal a part of me that I could never reach. He is making me whole, again.

Betrayed. Bitterness hangs on that word like a veil of frustrated love. Why? Why did he turn away when I needed him to be strong? Why does everyone turn away from me?

"Read the blog & learn how to help a friend who’s grieving?" What about helping me? Where are my “friends”? Who will help me grieve? The same person that has helped me grieve every other loss…me…

I will not let this keep me from you, O God. I will not let this separate my heart from the root of my existence. You call to me & I run to You with feet that seem made of iron. The current of anger, bitterness, jealousy, loneliness, pulls me under time & time again & yet…I still hear your voice. Whenever my shattered heart breaks through to the surface once more, there is the Son. The buoy I use to navigate this raging water. I keep my ear turned to Your voice…and I hold on… With every thing that is in me… I hold on…

What's in a Name?

2008-07-21T15:36:00.004-05:00

I have been playing around with templates & layouts, trying to find something that is really "me". I like this one. It's a nice color palette; not too obtrusive, not too bland.

I've also tried on a couple more names. The original just didn't seem to fit the language of the posts. I may try another blog later to speak my heart, dedicated to daily devotions. Right now, this one needs to speak my mind so it should be simpler, more accessible, even a bit silly - like me.

So I need some help. I don't know what to name this blog. Anyone that may have something creative to aid me in my name-search, please web it this way.

My place in this world...

2008-07-19T13:39:00.010-05:00

Having survived a childhood accident in what can only be described as "miraculous intervention", I have spent the better part of my life wondering why God spared me. I mean, I think I'm a pretty fantastic person, but that in itself is really no reason to explain why I was given this time to grow, learn, love & ???. And what? That blank space drives me crazy sometimes.

What am I here for? I know God loves each of us & we each have a "mission" that is just ours. I always thought mine would be something huge because of the way I was saved from the fire. Yet, all I could ever muster was mildly mediocre, or worse, massive failure.

Several Scriptures have been my best friends during this searching. One of them I found recently in an unlikely place...the anointing of Saul as first King of Israel. Now Saul was a great man. He was anointed by Samuel to become something greater. In 1 Samuel 10, Samuel tells Saul all the things that will happen after Saul leaves him. In 1 Samuel 10:7, Samuel says to Saul, "Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you."

He had his plan in front of him & off he went, blindly into the kingship, not looking back at the map of God's word again. Sounds familiar to me...How many times have I said to God, "Just point me in the direction you want me to go & I'll handle the rest!"

Saul did the same thing.

I don't want to be like Saul.

Today's verse speaks into my heart that I don't have to know what the plan is. I only need to trust that there is a plan and that that plan is something I could not do all on my own. I trust God to guide me as I search His word daily for direction. I wait each day to see what God would have me to do, which way I should turn, how far I should travel.

I know that there is a plan & I don't have to know it. I just have to "do whatever [my] hand finds to do". Right now, that happens to be an all-but-insurmountable mound of laundry.

Lord, help me!

Thursday is "the new Monday"...oh goody

2008-07-10T13:29:00.009-05:00

Monday passed relatively quietly this week. There was not much rushing around to finish up things left-over from last week's To-Do list. Hmm...I should've been suspicious then, huh?

Tuesday was relatively uneventful. Again, no flashing lights or sirens to warn me what was to come.

Wednesday picked up some speed.

Then Thursday blew in like a tornado ridin' an angry, wild Rhino......

When I awoke to the ring of my telephone, I should have known to just unplug it & crawl back into bed until Friday. Friday, my husband is home to help me filter out the less important tasks & accomplish the more necessary ones. But no, I chose to answer and in so doing, unleashed a torrent of busy-ness to attend to all day.

At least I was able to crawl into the Bible for a few minutes before my children woke up and reminded me how wonderful it is to be a mom to a 3 & 1/2 year-old & a newly-turned 5 year-old (who thinks she's GROWN!). Work, housework, kids, errands, hospitality, serving...it all adds up to one crazy day.

Yet these are the very things that make life livable. This is what I prayed for as long as I can remember. These 2 beautiful babies, a home free from anger & cruelty, a chance to help others, all of this has been entrusted to me.

So I can't walk today. I guess my dining room floor won't get mopped...darn. I really am glad I don't find my identity in the bottom of a dirty mop bucket. I guess I'll have to enjoy the sound of my girls' laughter instead.

So, Hey there, Thursday! I'm still standing & I'm still praising God!

Dear Jesus, Thank you for the strength to tackle one more day. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my home and the love contained within these walls. Amen.

Deep breath, heavy sigh...

2008-07-07T08:30:00.004-05:00

Great! I'm a genius. Hold the applause til the end though, please.

Remember the new prosthesis I was so excited about getting last week? You remember? The one that pushed the 27 year-old UPS man into early-really-early, retirement? Well, I thought I could put it on and do everything I had been unable to for the past 4 days.

I was wrong.

Kind of like new shoes, you really shouldn't just jump into a new leg & take off running (no pun intended). You should wear it a little while & get used to how it fits. Then, wear it a little longer & so on & so forth.

Anywho, I had neglected the household chores quite long enough so I wore it almost 20 hours straight...Need I continue? Why not? Suffice it to say, that's not a wise choice to make.

So now I have this blister that hurts like the dickens and it's right across the tip of the stump. What's a girl to do? I have to leave it off [again] for a few [more] days to let that spot heal [crap!]. That means, the household chores will again back-up or I will have to allow my husband to do them...darn :o)

UPS guys should get hazard pay...

2008-07-03T14:01:00.010-05:00

YAY!!! My new prosthesis came today and I am sooooo excited about that. Oh wait - I suppose I should mention that I am a below-knee amputee (BKA) on my right side. It happened in a house fire in 1974 (see my About Me section).

Anywho, I have had a horrible time with my prostheses (artificial legs) over the last 10+ years. They just didn't fit properly & I had an open area that developed on my knee that wouldn't heal. Whenever I'd go for a fitting or an adjustment I would explain my problem & promptly be told, "You can't feel that".

Ever have that experience? You go to a doctor & say, "Doc, my right finger hurts right here."

He says, "No you don't. You hurt here (pointing to your left elbow)."

Then he schedules you for surgery to "fix" your elbow and you go because, hey - he's got the degree, right? After surgery, your elbow heals but it's not quite right anymore and guess what? Your finger still hurts...Spread & repeat that over 12 years & 5 doctors & you've got my problem.
Well, by God's grace I found a guy (Matt Bulow - http://www.bulowbiotech.com/ check it out; he's awesome) that makes prosthetic devices & is an amputee himself. We loaded the kids in the car & trekked the 450 miles to see him. He listened, tinkered & made a great device which I received via UPS today. Now to the point of today's blog:

We're sitting around the table having lunch today. It's my husband (the wonderful Todd), my daughters (the ever-dramatic Kimber - 5 & chaos-in-a-tutu Emma - 3) and me. We were having corn dogs, but that's not the point. The dog, who's job it is to sit by the window and howl & bark out a warning whenever anything approaches the house, begins to "Grumpf!". My husband casually looks over his shoulder out the window & says, "UPS" as if that meant absolutely nothing.

I jumped up and hobbled to the door on my crutches as I had conveniently broken my current prosthesis 4 days ago. Now the dog, Daisy, usually just wants a scratch on the hindquarters & doesn't pose any real threat. Seeing my excitement as I open the door & throw myself at the UPS guy almost shouting, "Is that my leg?!!" she goes N-U-T-S.

Both kids have come to the door at this time, still in their pj's I might add, chomping on corn dogs. Daisy is growling, baring her teeth & yelping at this poor fellow as I continue to ask, almost threateningly, "IS that my LEG??!!!"

What a sight?!

By now, Mr. Brownshorts has barracaded himself behind the box he has put his life on the line to deliver & is using it as a shield to keep the dog from chewing on him like a corn dog. Not trying to be insensitive I say, "She won't hurt you - IS THAT MY LEG??!!"

In what I can only describe as a "concerned" voice, UPS man says, "You just get the dog inside & I'll set this inside the door."

Bless his heart! It then dawned on me that this poor unsuspecting fellow had just wanted to do his job & deliver a package. Instead he was met at the door by a one-legged woman on crutches, her 2 corndog chomping preschoolers & Cujo, only to find out that the package he was so carefully handling was in fact a replacement body part... yikes.

I think he should see his doctor for a check-up & cardiac screening. And then he should petition UPS to offer hazard pay for any driver that has to deliver to my address.

I wonder if I could get his address & send him a fruit basket...via UPS.

Dear Jesus, Thank you for the blessings you send right when I need them. And thank you so much for those by whom they come. Amen.

tap, tap, tap - Is this thing on?

2008-07-02T15:12:00.004-05:00

Ok, this is my first experience with blogging. Please bear with me as I fumble my way through the ins & outs of the blogosphere.

Where to start? Where to start? I suppose a brief introduction to me & my reasons for creating this blog would be a pretty good place to start. Well, here goes the briefiest intro I can do:

I am a sort-of-stay-at-home Mom of 2 little girls. I say "sort of" because I'm not sure how one could call themselves "stay-at-home" when that is just about the last place one in that capacity ends up on a given day. Oh dear, 10 minutes into creating my first blog & I've already begun to spiral beyond the point. Ok, back on track - I've had an idea for writing a book entitled, To See His Face, for several years but since I lack the courage to actually put my stuff out there & get smacked with the unavoidable rejections that accompany first-time authors, I chose the weasel-weblog way out. Well, that & I haven't actually finished writing it...

Why is it named "To see His face"? My favorite Scripture is Revelation 22:4a, "And they shall see His face...". I can not imagine a more beautiful moment in my existence than the moment I see God. As any of my friends would agree, I am one flighty dame. In my profoundly inadequate human way, each day I try to be, live & love in such a way that when I do experience that moment, I will have a crown or 2 to cast at His feet. Sometimes I hit that stride where I can feel the rush of angels wings, but more times than not, my arrow falls way short of the mark & I'm left wondering why God would forgive me yet again as I stumble & fall, sometimes into the same snares He lifted me out of a day before. Then, I'm reminded that it isn't anything I earn. It's something I accept. Life isn't about me. It's about Him. Then I can get up one more time.

This is my humble attempt to honor His name and to search out His truth. So without further ado, I present to you, my blog. Please feel free to post questions or comments. I look forward to the journey with you.

Dear Jesus, I only want to honor you. Please bless the words of my lips & sacrifices of my praise to your glory. Amen.